Dear Ms. Kidman

[Apparently, eligible men are not beating down Nicole Kidman's door. She seems to think that maybe her two children (9 and 11 years old) are part of the problem.]

Well, Ms. Kidman, I may be poor, unfamous (or perhaps infamous, depending on who you ask), and about a decade younger than you are, but I have always thought you were pretty darned wonderful. What's cooler than a lady with brains and looks (not to mention a stellar career)? I don't know exactly how celebrity life works. Is it like fairy tales where you have to be a prince to marry a princess? Or can unknowns like me find love with famous folk like yourself? Do I have to be, in the words of Derek Zoolander, "really, really ridiculously good-looking"? Because--sorry to let you down--I'm actually just really, really ridiculously average-looking. However, I do have a brain between my ears, and I'm a pretty interesting guy. And I find really intelligent women just about irresistible.

So... I may not be beating down your door Ms. Kidman, but that's only because I don't know where your door is, and I'm not the stalking type. Drop a line sometime.